Steve Rogers (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
neverdanced) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ohnofeelings2013-06-20 08:20 pm
neverdanced) wrote in ohnofeelings2013-06-20 08:20 pm
Entry tags:
;please don't leave me
War brings out different sides of people. Primal instincts, the need to survive, to protect. That often outranks anything else. It's you and your unit against the world. You end up just thinking maybe if we hold our ground, if we fight harder today, tomorrow it will be over. The end is always in sight, but always out of reach. There is an endless cycle of cruelty.
A German soldier realises he lost everything- his home, his family, his entire village. Being a soldier is all he knows, and not seeing a way out, he sticks with that and intentionally takes out an allied medic. Allied troops lose the most important guy in their unit and retaliate with brutality next time they encounter Germans. No surrenders accepted.
It's the type of behaviour that Steve abhors, and unfortunately, he often hears about it. Given the opportunity, he would reprimand anyone engaging in it. He often didn't run into anyone like that, since his unit operated separately with special tasks. One thing war has engrained in him, seeing the extend of human capabilities aside, is just how fragile life actually is.
Had he been any later in infiltrating the Hydra, Bucky could've already been dead. He hadn't exactly been lucid when Steve found him strapped down. But he'd saved him. That was what was most important.
It had been such a close call. Steve doesn't know what he would've done if he hadn't been able to save him and successfully evacuate the rest of the troops. That's his best friend, his only family, conceivably the most important person in his life. He trusts Bucky to always have his back, and Steve has is. He can't imagine an alternative. They'd stuck together ever since the orphanage, persevered through the most austere conditions.
There's no doubt in his mind that they'll both make it out of this alive. Maybe it's overconfidence in their abilities as a team. Maybe it's that Steve can't imagine life without his best friend being there. That tiny apartment back in Brooklyn would suddenly be too big, too empty, just like when Bucky was at basic. Sure, one day they won't live together, when they're both married and have their own families, but that just means they'll be neighbours. Raise their kids to be best friends.
Sometimes Steve considers telling Bucky how he really feels, when it's late at night and Steve really should sleep but it's too quiet. Is it worth the risk? The answer fluctuates from day to day. He finally resolves to tell him once they're back in New York, if he still has the conviction to admit it when they get there. Better to wait until they're not constantly in a danger zone. There's already enough to worry about.
That moment is lost forever the moment Bucky's hand slips through his fingers. If only he'd been able to reach. Steve loses more than just an opportunity, more than just his best friend in that moment. He loses everything.
A motley crew of soldiers go on a risky mission on a train. One soldier fails to save the other's life and he falls to his death. Distraught, the soldier seeks revenge. No surrenders accepted. The cycle continues.
A German soldier realises he lost everything- his home, his family, his entire village. Being a soldier is all he knows, and not seeing a way out, he sticks with that and intentionally takes out an allied medic. Allied troops lose the most important guy in their unit and retaliate with brutality next time they encounter Germans. No surrenders accepted.
It's the type of behaviour that Steve abhors, and unfortunately, he often hears about it. Given the opportunity, he would reprimand anyone engaging in it. He often didn't run into anyone like that, since his unit operated separately with special tasks. One thing war has engrained in him, seeing the extend of human capabilities aside, is just how fragile life actually is.
Had he been any later in infiltrating the Hydra, Bucky could've already been dead. He hadn't exactly been lucid when Steve found him strapped down. But he'd saved him. That was what was most important.
It had been such a close call. Steve doesn't know what he would've done if he hadn't been able to save him and successfully evacuate the rest of the troops. That's his best friend, his only family, conceivably the most important person in his life. He trusts Bucky to always have his back, and Steve has is. He can't imagine an alternative. They'd stuck together ever since the orphanage, persevered through the most austere conditions.
There's no doubt in his mind that they'll both make it out of this alive. Maybe it's overconfidence in their abilities as a team. Maybe it's that Steve can't imagine life without his best friend being there. That tiny apartment back in Brooklyn would suddenly be too big, too empty, just like when Bucky was at basic. Sure, one day they won't live together, when they're both married and have their own families, but that just means they'll be neighbours. Raise their kids to be best friends.
Sometimes Steve considers telling Bucky how he really feels, when it's late at night and Steve really should sleep but it's too quiet. Is it worth the risk? The answer fluctuates from day to day. He finally resolves to tell him once they're back in New York, if he still has the conviction to admit it when they get there. Better to wait until they're not constantly in a danger zone. There's already enough to worry about.
That moment is lost forever the moment Bucky's hand slips through his fingers. If only he'd been able to reach. Steve loses more than just an opportunity, more than just his best friend in that moment. He loses everything.
A motley crew of soldiers go on a risky mission on a train. One soldier fails to save the other's life and he falls to his death. Distraught, the soldier seeks revenge. No surrenders accepted. The cycle continues.