Steve Rogers (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
neverdanced) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ohnofeelings2013-06-20 02:46 am
neverdanced) wrote in ohnofeelings2013-06-20 02:46 am
Entry tags:
should i give up or just keep chasing pavements?
Several things were always consistent in Steve Roger's life: he would always get into fights, his best friend would always have his back, and said best friend would never know how Steve felt about him. He couldn't. Ever. Steve accepted that and never expected anything less. As a kid, he remembered reading in the newspaper about a man getting beaten to death over something extremely similar. Ever since, it served as a reminder of what would happen if anyone ever found out.
It was bad enough that two single twenty-somethings lived in a small flat together. In theory, at least. Bucky was so into women that none of the neighbours batted an eye. They likely just thought Steve was to shy and scrawny to bother courting women. Maybe that's what Bucky thought too. In any case, Steve didn't mind those assumptions. Better that than having people assume he was Bucky's twelve-year-old kid brother or something.
It wasn't just that he was shy around women. He didn't know how to interact with them, sure. What it mostly came down to was blatant disinterest. For Bucky's sake, he honestly tried to be interested. Steve simply insisted that he was waiting for the right girl, and it worked out well that none of them were ever interested in him. What Bucky didn't know was that the right partner was someone that Steve could never wait for.
He knew that if he was ever going to end up with someone, he'd have to go for second best. After all, Steve wanted to keep Bucky in his life forever. He couldn't tell Bucky that he'd been in love with him since they were fourteen. That would end their friendship entirely- not that Steve could blame Bucky if he wanted to do that.
Steve hadn't seen him in six weeks, not since Bucky went off to Basic Training. He'd only heard from him through letters, and he'd kept every single one, but it wasn't the same. That made things simultaneously easier and more difficult. He missed Bucky, and with him being gone, the apartment felt painfully empty. It was the longest stretch of time that he'd been without Bucky, with the exception of the years prior to knowing him at all.
The only part of this that was actually made easier was that with him gone, he didn't have to hear about or see Bucky go off with dames. Good for him and all, but Steve didn't like seeing it. He didn't like thinking about it, either. There was a twinge of jealousy there, Steve knew that, but he didn't have any right to be.
Of course, that was completely overshadowed by the part where Bucky was going off to war. Something that Steve had tried so hard to do as well, but he hadn't been successful. Each of his attempts resulted in getting rejected, but that didn't mean he'd given up. He just had to find another way.
That way technically didn't include getting his ass handed to him in a back alley, but that was life for you. Steve couldn't just sit back while some jerk was being disrespectful. It didn't really surprise him that Bucky showed up out of nowhere to save the day. Not that it needed saving. Steve could handle himself, and would insist so forever. But he did appreciate it, even if he never said so.
Steve was mostly just glad to see him. Once he got to his feet and the other guy'd run off, he just took a moment to appreciate him. Bucky looked handsome in his uniform--he looked handsome in anything. He reminded himself not to stare too much, even if he'd missed him a lot. Steve tried to brush that aside and act normal.
"You get your orders?"
It was bad enough that two single twenty-somethings lived in a small flat together. In theory, at least. Bucky was so into women that none of the neighbours batted an eye. They likely just thought Steve was to shy and scrawny to bother courting women. Maybe that's what Bucky thought too. In any case, Steve didn't mind those assumptions. Better that than having people assume he was Bucky's twelve-year-old kid brother or something.
It wasn't just that he was shy around women. He didn't know how to interact with them, sure. What it mostly came down to was blatant disinterest. For Bucky's sake, he honestly tried to be interested. Steve simply insisted that he was waiting for the right girl, and it worked out well that none of them were ever interested in him. What Bucky didn't know was that the right partner was someone that Steve could never wait for.
He knew that if he was ever going to end up with someone, he'd have to go for second best. After all, Steve wanted to keep Bucky in his life forever. He couldn't tell Bucky that he'd been in love with him since they were fourteen. That would end their friendship entirely- not that Steve could blame Bucky if he wanted to do that.
Steve hadn't seen him in six weeks, not since Bucky went off to Basic Training. He'd only heard from him through letters, and he'd kept every single one, but it wasn't the same. That made things simultaneously easier and more difficult. He missed Bucky, and with him being gone, the apartment felt painfully empty. It was the longest stretch of time that he'd been without Bucky, with the exception of the years prior to knowing him at all.
The only part of this that was actually made easier was that with him gone, he didn't have to hear about or see Bucky go off with dames. Good for him and all, but Steve didn't like seeing it. He didn't like thinking about it, either. There was a twinge of jealousy there, Steve knew that, but he didn't have any right to be.
Of course, that was completely overshadowed by the part where Bucky was going off to war. Something that Steve had tried so hard to do as well, but he hadn't been successful. Each of his attempts resulted in getting rejected, but that didn't mean he'd given up. He just had to find another way.
That way technically didn't include getting his ass handed to him in a back alley, but that was life for you. Steve couldn't just sit back while some jerk was being disrespectful. It didn't really surprise him that Bucky showed up out of nowhere to save the day. Not that it needed saving. Steve could handle himself, and would insist so forever. But he did appreciate it, even if he never said so.
Steve was mostly just glad to see him. Once he got to his feet and the other guy'd run off, he just took a moment to appreciate him. Bucky looked handsome in his uniform--he looked handsome in anything. He reminded himself not to stare too much, even if he'd missed him a lot. Steve tried to brush that aside and act normal.
"You get your orders?"
no subject
It was unfortunate that as well as Bucky knew Steve, he had no idea the extent of his best friend's feelings for him. Maybe he just never thought to look for the signs. Maybe he was too busy trying to find a nice girl for Steve, hoping it would keep him out of a few fights for a day or two. Whatever it was that was keeping Bucky blind, it hadn't vanished with 6 weeks separation.
It had made him miss Steve like crazy. He chewed his lip, glancing down at the papers a moment before tilting his head back up, hat askew just a shade on his head.
"The 107th." That crook of a smile caught on his lips and bled into his voice. "Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping out for England first thing tomorrow."
no subject
Not looking dejected was difficult. Practically impossible, really. He was going to be stuck here, and all he was going to be able to do was worry about his best friend while being upset forever that he couldn't do more to help with the war effort. "I should be going too."
There was an argument coming, and he knew that. It was something they argued about ever since Bucky had gotten accepted and Steve hadn't.
no subject
Bucky frowned a moment but it disappeared shortly after, replaced by a smile as he clapped his arm around Steve's shoulders, giving his shoulder a small squeeze before hooking his arm and tugging him close.
"Come on, man. It's my last night and we've got to get you cleaned up."
no subject
What made this so different, Steve wasn't sure. Maybe it was separation. Maybe it was knowing that this was the first time he'd seen Bucky in weeks and would be the last time for an undetermined time. In any case, it made his heart pitter patter and he didn't particularly like that.
"Where are we going?"
He wanted to spend time with Bucky, sure, and regardless he wouldn't turn him down, but they had such varying concepts of fun...
no subject
"To the future."
He was doing a good job of masking it, but Bucky was having some problems of his own. Six weeks apart from the man who was closer than family to him and in less than 15 hours he would be shipping out to a foreign country, to fight a war, no guarantee he'd ever be coming back, and no guarantee Steve would be here when he did get back, either.
"Saw them setting it up when I got back in."
no subject
Recruitment rejections, though, those really bothered him. It wasn't nice being reminded that he wasn't good enough, healthy enough to be able to serve his country. He needed to do more, and doing a civilian job reserved for a dame or child wasn't going to cut it.
"Oh. Well that's something." He didn't have much else to say on it. "When did you get in?" How long did you take until you hunted me down?
Not that it mattered. It was just curiousity.
no subject
He started looking the moment he got in, and he didn't stop until he found Steve.
"Come on. It'll be fun. Besides, they're shipping me out in the morning and I -" Wanted to spend my last few hours in NY with my best friend. "Thought we could both enjoy this."